Archive for June 2009
Co-workers Exposed
On the left we have Big Boss. Nice guy, sometimes quiet and introverted. The “Good Cop” of our scenario. When he’s the only boss around, life’s a breeze! As long as you get your work done, he could care less what you do. As long as it doesn’t affect his schedule or agenda. Sneaks in and sneaks out everyday. Doesn’t like the drama. Internalizes a lot of his emotion. Sometimes is a big mystery, a walking question mark.
Next on the food chain we have Little Boss or “Taz”. Drama. The only word necessary to describe him. If nothing is going on in the office, he will purposely CREATE drama, a pot stirrer if you will. EVERYTHING is a production. Has to know every ounce of information going on in the office, but cannot seem to remember my husbands’ name, and I’m his assistant. The world revolves around him and his moods. I can tell by the way he says “Good Morning” to me every morning how the day is going to turn out. Some mornings it’s the sing-song “Good Morrrrnnniiinggg!!!”. That’s when I think Hmm, he must have gotten some or traffic wasn’t bad today. But sing-song can go out the window if something doesn’t go his way. Most arguments, dramatic emails, rants, to and from him involve Taz. We call him Taz because just like the cartoon character, he’s like a Tasmanian Devil whirling around stirring up drama in the office.
Then we have the Spoiled Brat. She’s young, she’s driven, she’s been given a useless title (the VP of useless crap), she usually gets her way if she stomps down the hallway, throws a fit in her squeaky voice, and stomps back to her office. Her computer problems take priority because SHE’S more important than you are. Keeps to herself, the only friends she has are in the business, not the office, but vendors and clients.
Then we have the Diva, a veteran in the industry. She’s taught me so much, the coolest person in the office. Cares enough about her own work and makes sure she get paid. Other than that, doesn’t give a crap about ass-kissing, or buying into the drama. She’s so smart, she’s dangerous and could run this freaking office with her eyes closed. That is, if the bosses bothered to ask her brilliant opinion once in awhile!
Next is Captain Obvious. Loves to answer a question with a question. Never quite gives you an honest or direct answer. Behaves like a person who can’t get fired: Takes 2 hour lunches, schmoozes with the bosses after hours, comes in late when Little Boss is on vacation or away on business. Designed a program that is utter crap and never works. But gives tech-jargon answers when asked a status question, further confusing L.B. with lingo he will never fully understand. Has no friends in the office. He keeps them from getting their work done. He’s a know-nothing-know-it-all.
That leads us to IT Guru. The REAL brains behind the operation. Works tireless hours, all for Captain Obvious to soak up the freaking glory. Gets bossed around by C.O. to no end. He’s not allowed to share his opinion anymore because once and only once, he DARED to correct C.O. in a meeting and was told later to “Never, ever correct me in a meeting like that again, got it?”. SO, tries very hard to let the s**t land on C.O. as it deservedly should. If it weren’t for the IT Guru, nothing would get done in the office.
The Wanderer is next. She plays a small bit part in this drama. Mostly just looks busy. Goes to the bathroom 6-8 times a day to, and I quote, “Kill more time”. Walks very slow around the office without a care in the world. Needs a lot of attention though. Only child from divorced parents. I knew her life story in the first 5 minutes of meeting her. Has a very special diet and everyone has to hear about it, but no one cares. It’s become an office joke that even she’s in on!
MILF is up next. She’s stylish, sassy, and smart. She doesn’t take crap from anyone an isn’t afraid to speak her mind. She’s also very classy and mingles well in any group.
Our Number Cruncher is the arch enemy of Little Boss. She challenges him in every way and that drives him crazy. She’s right most of the time and he cannot handle that. Whether it’s because she’s a woman or because SHE is right and he is wrong, we’ll never know. They are the source of many frequent blowouts, usually on full spectacle for all to see. Both can’t hold their tempers or their tongues!!!
Then we have Mrs. Holier Than Thou. This is the same person who prays at the lunch table, send you the inspirational emails, then steals office supplies from the office. She’ll ask you to order her yet another mouse pad, then you swing by her desk a week later only to find out she took that freaking mouse pad home you ordered for her!!
Gossip Girl makes her appreance. She knows all the ins and outs and isn’t afraid to ask what the 411 is. She’s got her eyes and ears everywhere.
There’s one in every office, Miss What Not To Wear. The dated wardrobe, the less than stylish hair, 1981 called and wants it’s look back! She’s a size 8 and is swimming in a size 12 wardrobe. I used to think that she was just frugal and didn’t buy clothes. But she talks about how much they go out to dinner, have folks over for barbecues, her son’s new iPod this, his new cell phone that. That’s when I realized, she’s just lacking in style. Not to say that everyday at the office has to be a runway fashion show, far from it. But when your professionall appearance is less than professional and it is keeping you from the promotion you want, then it’s affecting your career.
Window Dressing is just what she seems, very sweet, great looking, but stricktly window dressing. Pretty much anyone could do her job. She’s been there 5 years and STILL asks questions about how to do HER job. Even when I was brand new to the office, she would ask me for advice. Um, what have you been doing for 5 years?? And of course, Little Boss will drop everything to jump at the chance to help her do HER job. But if anyone else asks for 1/2″ of help, he brushes them all off.
The Legal Eagle rounds out the group. Staff lawyer. Phony. Backstabbing. Will lie right to your face, typical lawyer. Can’t keep an assistant since she’s such a bitch. Two husbands have left her and all she has left is her dog. Does that sum her up for you?
Do any of these characters look familiar to you? Every office has a few of these, let me know about YOUR cast of characters!!!
Stay tuned for my next episode! Refer back to this post if you need a reference guide of all of our characters.
See you soon!
Sassy Secretary
3 comments June 26, 2009
