Little Boss returned from a business trip today. What a treat for us.

He comes in earlier than he normally does, gives a somewhat pleasant “Good Morning” to me, and scurries to his office. Hmm, maybe it won’t be so bad.

In an hour, I wanted to smack him in the teeth. He has the shortest memory of anyone I’ve ever met. And he can’t just ask a normal question like any normal, unmedicated person would. It’s ALWAYS the Spanish Inquisition. I think he’s trying to trip you up to see if you shoot yourself in the foot. Can you imagine what he was like as a dad? No wonder he says he and his kids “..really used to butt heads when they were growing up!”. Gee, I can’t imagine why.

So he’s going through a stack of bills I’ve left in his inbox for approval. Every little fricking item that is on the Office Suppy bill (which he INSISTS on seeing before I actually place the order and wants to know what every little item is an who it’s for. Really? You need to know “Post-Its” are for? THEY’RE FOR EVERYONE!). So he’s inquiring “Uh, who needed mechanical pencils?”. Well if you moved your thumb, you’d see the reference name next to it”. Ugh. It’s going to be one of those days.

It’s ONLY 9:15a.m.

Then he gets to the car service bill. Big Boss requests that I schedule the car service we use to pick up and drop off certain V.I.P. folks from our local airports and deliver them various places. There are 3 pickup/drop-offs on this particular bill. He bellows for me from his desk (which is like 30 feet away), “Can you come here for a second??”. What now? I’m checking my Yahoo mail!

“Uhhhh, who’s scheduling these pick-ups and drop-offs for the car service?” he says.

“I booked them, at Big Boss’ request”, I said.

Let’s pause for a moment. This should have ended our conversation. Big Boss is HIS boss. That’s it. No more questions. OH, but he continues…

“Why is he having these people picked up? Who is this Mr. Simpson as the passenger name? I didn’t see him in the office??”.

First of all, it’s not your freaking company, so if Big Boss wants to have his BEST FRIEND picked up in a Town Car for a weekend visit to Big Boss’ house, then he’s perfectly allowed to. Why the HELL is he asking me these questions?? I’ve already told him that Big Boss asked me to set up those requests. That should have ended that line of questioning right there! He was asking as if I was having MY peeps picked up from the airport. Oh yeah, that’s what I”m doing, you caught me! How DUMB would I have to be to do that???? Really???

So of course I don’t tell Little Boss that Mr. Simpson he’s referring to is Big Boss’ B.F.F.!! That’s none of his freaking business! I feigned ignorance and said I didn’t know who he was, all of these requests were from Big Boss and I was just doing as instructed. I turned around and walked away. Meanwhile he’s discussing all of this in the middle of the office for ALL to hear as usual and smearing the name of Big Boss. See, Big Boss is on vacation for a few weeks and that’s always when Little Boss takes the opportunity to stand on his desk and beat his chest like an ape. Can you say Alpha Male????? At it’s FINEST.

Then he moves on to Captain Obvious. SA-WEEET! I LOVE when they get into it! C.O. gets this really high pitched defensive tone in his voice and it just carries through the entire office. C.O. was on vacation for 10 days, and then Little Boss was on a business trip for a few days. So it’s been a LONG time since they’ve knocked horns. And he was all over him for the crappy network system Captain Obvious has created which has more errors than a chimpanzee taking the S.A.T.’s!!! It’s pure crap. But that didn’t stop him from taking a 10 day vacation! Never does.

It turns out, that Captain Obvious had turned off the part of his network program that generates the Sales Invoices that automatically get emailed out to our Vendors when a sale is made. He did that so while he was gone, invoices wouldn’t have printed out before Captain Obvious could catch ALL the errors that ALWAYS show up, since his system is a piece of crap!! Genius!! So vendors are looking to pay their bills within our “Net 15 days” due date, and they have no bill. OH, it was great. What an baffoon, he thinks he’s SO smart. Uh, you didn’t reinvent the wheel, jackass!

But, the craziest thing is, as bitchy and rude and accusing as Little Boss he can be, the next minute he can shut that off and nicely ask one of his little pets “How are youuuuuuu??? How was your weekend??”. It can literally turn your stomach. He’s SO two-faced. And then the next minute, he’s knocking heads with Number Cruncher about something that Captain Obvious’ genius network system spit out that was incorrect of course. He’s asking her how come she billed the wrong amount on a vendor invoice. DUH. Those are generated by Captain Obvious’ system. It’s insane that after years of dealing with this idiotic system, he still asks the same questions over and over again, knowing that the system generated the wrong information. Does he have short term memory problems or what???